Key West is Sunny!

I was thinking of live blogging the Oscars again this year, but I have a mound of laundry to fold and I'm in sugar coma due to eating 3 slices of pizza, cake, ice cream and two cupcakes for YG's family birthday party today. Totally Zygote's fault -- insert self-directed eye roll. So...no live blog. I did, however, get around to uploading vacation pics. Enjoy!

Password Protection

I am thinking about making this blog password protected, but it's sort of an arduous process on Blogger. If you're interested in keeping up, please email me and I'll add you to my list of "approved" users. Still mulling this one over, though.

Off To Key West

No laptop. No blackberry. Just lots of books. And hopefully lots of good stories to share.

Essays I Want To Write

We had to free write a list of essays we wanted to write about in class the other night. Some off the top of my head:

1. Story of your/my name
2. Choosing kid's names
3. Inspired by this post over at Feministing, I want to write about how my daily routine has affected my feminism or made it stronger.
4. The weekend from hell -- or the weekend that I got to attend my grandfather's funeral AND get divorced
5. 12-step for people that don't suck
6. My haircuts through the ages
7. How I came to be a writer -- or Mrs. Forcella and the green notebook
8. More on fat acceptance
9. Cross country running at Memorial, or why I am obsessive compulsive about hair removal
10. My many anger management confrontations

In other news, I sent out two stories for publication -- one on dieting and another one on Carolina Pottery. Fingers crossed.

I Invite You

To imagine me doing this:



Especially the "salsa dance" part. Especially when this perky little blonde with a full face of make up tells me how "sassy" I am and asks me to tell her how sexy I feel. Especially when we all go "woooooo." Yep. Imagine that. Or imagine me. And then die laughing.

I've gotten a lot of great prenatal videos. This one, not so much.

Sick Of

Having to buy new bras every two months. I'm nearing the 200 lb mark and I had to go digging to find a bra that would work this morning, stuffing myself into a 40DD. With four months left, how big are these melons going to get? I'm scared.

25 Things About Me

I did this excercise about 2.5 years ago, but if the New York Times is writing about Facebook's 25 Random Things , then I guess I need to do it too. Then maybe I'll stop being tagged. Plus, most of my 101 random things from Oct. 2006 don't exactly apply anymore.

So the most random, off the top of my head:

1. Some things don't change. I'm still an INTJ. So is Donald Rumsfeld. Great.

2. I got married for the second time in April 2008 to the second husband that I met at work.

3. I have a hyphenated last name now. I always thought people with hyphenated last names were sort of douchey, but it worked and I like it. I still have trouble remembering to add that last syllable, though, and it always sounds like an afterthought. And 10 months later and I still haven't changed my driver's license.

4. I now have a 9 year old stepdaughter and a baby on the way.

5. We're not finding out the sex of the baby. We're not telling anyone our baby names, although I laughed pretty hard when I saw a few of them on Queerty's Baby Naming Guide.

6. I have done lots of "bad" things during this pregnancy like dye my hair, eat soft cheese, cold cuts and brought my pulse above 140. I don't feel guilty about these things. I don't shoot heroin or have 3 martini lunches. I'm a big believer in perspective.

7. I hate fundamentalism in all forms. I didn't know about the child rearing fanatics until I got pregnant, but they are my newest people to hate on. I am, however, enjoying reading these folks.

8. I really miss running, but I'm proud of myself for finishing a 10K in good time in my first trimester.

9. I kind of hate on people who think you are interested in every aspect of their pregnancy, but based on most of my responses above, I am one of them.

10. I've been taking creative writing classes since I moved up to Cambridge and it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

11. When I was in fifth grade, my teacher thought I lied about writing a poem that I read in class. When she realized that it was mine, she gave me a green notebook and told me to write about everything if I wanted to be a writer. I've kept a journal ever since. I still have that first one.

12. I've never developed any proper career plan beyond "be a writer." I like my career, but I just sort of fell into it. I spend a lot of time feeling lost, even though I know I'm decent at what I do.

13. For the first time, I am actively searching for markets for my writing. I still hope to get published. Even better? I still hope to make some money at this. I'd take a dollar at this point.

14. I am looking forward to buying new clothes again. I love clothes and shoes and bags and any website or magazine or blog devoted to the above.

15. I love Diane Von Furstenberg, Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein and on the lower end, JCrew. All classics. I don't get Marc Jacobs and the hipster devotion to his lines.

16. I have an absurd amount of Cole Haan shoes.

17. I can't remember the last time I bought any new music. All my new music and new favorite bands are from about 10 years ago. This makes me feel incredibly old.

18. Rushmore is still my favorite movie, although I watch a grotesque amount of bad romantic comedies when YG is away. P.S. I Love You has to rank as one of the worst movies that I ever saw -- up there with the one where Sarah Michelle Geller is a cook with magical powers. That one was so bad I don't even remember the title.

19. If I don't grab the remote right away, I end up having to endure YG's shows -- FutureWeapons, Mythbusters, Dirtiest Jobs, lots of shit with cars and guns, etc. I really don't understand how a man who watches these could make fun of me for still watching Grey's Anatomy.

20. I listen to NPR all the time, but I am sometimes annoyed by the announcers' I'm-so-smart-can't-you-tell-how-smugly-smart-I-am voices.

21. I still buy way too many books. I have stacks of books that I'm going to read someday "when I have the time."

22. I think that bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel with a side of fries is the most divine meal ever.

23. People say that I drive like a grandma, but I beg to disagree. If I'm driving, you need to shut up. Also, DO NOT touch the radio dial. I will cut you.

24. I've been out of college for over a decade and I still wish that I could recreate the kind of fantastic atmosphere that exisits when you live within a few blocks of all your best friends and the most stressful thing you have to do is study.

25. Finding 25 random things to say about me is much harder than I thought. I can think of numerous "random" things, but I'm not sure if I'd want to make them public on the Internets.

Pregnant, Not Fat

It's been the week from hell at work, and I am glad to be in my pajamas on the couch, even though it's only 9 p.m. We had antipasto for dinner and fondue for dessert and I'm all smiles now.

Earlier in the week, I had my monthly check in with the OB. Zygote is looking healthy and happy, but unfortunately may end up being smothered to death by all my fat. In the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, I gained about 7 pounds and was wondering if I was gaining quick enough. Then in the last few weeks, I've been putting on about 2 pounds a week. Because of all my freakin' issues, I was slightly worried, but then figured that I was just being...well, me.

Then I got to the OB. First the nurse noted that the recent gain was "not good," and then the doctor gave me the more polite "undesirable." They said that I should work out more and limit my sweets, fats, eat more whole grains, blah, blah. I said that I had heard you weren't supposed to diet when you were pregnant. "But it's not a diet." WHATEVER.

Being me, I've spent the week being bipolar. One part of me is feeling horrible and shamed and obsessing about working out, even though I am already working out 4 times a week. My evil twin is screaming, "Are you fucking kidding me? I am PREGNANT. I'm supposed to gain weight." All of me is feeling extremely frustrated.

Things That Make Me Happy

Today I checked Google Analytics for the first time in a while and saw that:
1. There are more of you reading than I thought
2. Someone found this site by searching for "swinging testicles." That's funny in its own right, but then I got to thinking about what would make someone search for swinging testicles and found it even funnier.

Things I Have Forgotten to Blog About

1. Remember how I was going to finish up what I thought of the inauguration? Yeah, I didn't do that, but how do you sum it up in words? I still get teary seeing the pictures. Let's just say that I'm quite happy with what President Obama's been doing with his time lately, particularly doing away with the Global Gag Rule. Also, check this out on the official white house site. A lot of this won't effect me over here in yuppie whiteyville, but it's heartening to see everything laid out so cleanly. I love the paid sick days bit and wish we, as a country, could take a serious look at revising FMLA.

2. Things I Have Been Readin':

* White Teeth: I loved this book so much and was actually sad to finish it. How does she write like this? On Beauty was wonderful, and like that novel, the characters in this book are so textured and rich and sometimes unlikable. It makes me feel embarassed about my pathetic little essays.

* Then We Came To The End: I heard so many good things about this that I expected to love it. I found it hard to read because I felt like I was at work and not in a good way. The narration trick was interesting, but overall, I was more disturbed than amused. This probably says a lot about my company culture.

* The Heart of Whiteness: Confronting Race, Racism and White Privilege: A relatively short read, but an interesting look at being part of the problem. In reading the comments on Amazon, it looks like people either loved or hated it.

* Rereading Bird by Bird: I read this during college and loved it. Speaking so differently to me now. More on this later.

3. LOST! It's back. This show always has a way of making me feel like I am mentally deficient in multiple ways, but I love it so. Diva has a good recap.

4. More about the good and bad with Zygote. I don't want to turn this into an all-about-pregnancy blog, but there are some real highs and lows. Belly pic to hold you over.


5. Kate Harding's article on Salon. I loved the article, as I love most of the stuff that she writes, but I spent too much time reading through the comments and it just gets me depressed. Why is this such a hot button issue for people? Why do people object to a larger person being okay with his or her size? This excerpt of a comment just makes me cringe:

I think "mocking" is an "appropriate" reaction to make people change. The food is too available to friendly tell someone to not eat it. It's ridiculous to even try to do so. So I honestly think that the best way to approach it, at this point, is to attach a stigma to fatness. Hopefully if people are embarrassed about eating fatty foods they won't do so.

Right. Because fat never had a stigma attached to it before, AND shaming is the best way of getting people to change. :-I

6. My brother wrote about saving shit a while back and I was going to write about how I have the same weird habit and have shoe boxes filled with letters, cards, ticket stubs, deflated birthday balloons and broken Christmas ornaments. I had to move a lot of this stuff from its repository to make room for Zygote's new things and realized that in the 8 times I've moved in the past decade, I've moved ALL this shit with me. I did a massive reorg and threw away the following:

* Birthday cards that were not attached to any particular birthday and just had signatures at the end
* To-do lists circa 1999
* A garbage bag with arm holes cut into it that I used during a rainstorm in Niagara Falls
* The "wedding notebook" from my first wedding
* More deflated balloons that I can count

Things I kept:

* All the love letters I've ever received, now categorized by giver
* Letters that NN and I exchanged during summers in college, and letters that BB sent to me while I was in London
* An essay that I wrote in first grade on that weird green paper little kids write on titled, "The New Baby" about when my sister was born
* Dried roses from the caskets of my grandparents' funerals. Is this weird and morbid? I don't know.
* Prayer cards. I'm a good Italian.
* My Sept. 11 box. I was living in Brooklyn on 9/11/01 and was well on my way to work in NJ when the attacks happened. I couldn't get back to my apartment so I stayed with my parents. I had none of my stuff so I went to CVS and bought deoderant, a toothbrush, concealer, mascara and lip gloss and some sort of Caboodle-like box to keep it in. I only used the stuff for the few days I stayed with them and never touched it again. I don't want to throw it away. Or use it.
* All my old journals including the one Mrs. Forcella had me start in 4th grade.

7. Forgetting to blog about forgetting to blog.

Back in The People's Republic With My Writing Assignments

Well, I made it back from NJ. I feel slightly guilty whenever I go down to visit because there are so many people that I want to see and hang out with, but I almost never plan ahead. This time I was attempting to help out my mom and work full-time and watch a gazillion hours of inauguration coverage, while being exhausted at the same time, so my biggest trip out was to Target. People here always laugh when I say I'm from NJ, but Target, and strip malls with good parking, is just one of the many things I miss. If I wanted to go to Target here, it's a huge pain in the ass. Back in the Whip, it took me a half hour and I was able to pick up 3lb hand weights, cat litter, cranberry juice, two new bras for the pregnancy tits of doom and new body wash. And I was able to park near the door. So suck on that, Jersey haters.

I got back in time for class on Thursday night, and still feeling the Obama message of hope and inspiration, I told myself that I was going to write or journal or blog every day. You see how well that has gone. We did have an assignment, though, that was relatively easy and one that I'm having a little fun with. Each student had to put two sentences in a hat, and then the instructors picked them out and made us free write for two minutes on each one. We only got through two, but it proved that I didn't always have to be "writing very important thoughts" to just freakin' do it.

* I'm happy to be in a writing class again. I don't like my day job. Or I do, but it's not my passion. I was supposed to be a writer, but I got lost somewhere along the way. Unfortunately, I never developed any alternate career plan beyond "be a writer" so I've just stayed in the easiest place to pay the bills.

* I have no brilliant sentences in my mind this evening. (BTW, this was my contribution, in all its grammatical incorrect-ness, to the hat) I'm in a writing class, presumably, where I want to be and I'm at a loss. Have I ever done anything interesting? Or met someone relatively engaging? Apparently not, because I am struggling to come up with that one brilliant sentence that captures all my wit, intellect and charm in between one capital letter and one period, and as usual, I fall flat.

I have about 18 more to play with. It reminds me of an exercise we used to do in Mr. Lamb's Language Arts class. He would have us power write -- writing without picking your pen off the paper -- for 10 minutes at the beginning of every class. Most of my shit was really mundane, but looking through it, almost 16 years later, there are little bits of details about people that I forgot, people that I would want to pepper any story about those hideous high school years if I ever were to tell them.

Maybe something will come out of all of this after all.

In baby-related news, I'm pretty sure that I'm feeling Zygote kicking. For weeks, I was having an internal monolouge that went something like "Is that the baby or am I going to fart?" or "Is that the baby or is that Chipotle?" I'm pretty sure that it's the baby. I hope one day to pass this lovely story down to my future child, about how I mixed up my offspring, my own flesh and blood with the rumblings of a chicken burrito with extra black beans and guacamole. I now have to go watch Wife Swap or Stage Moms to remind myself that I will not be a terrible parent.

It's Here

I hope to write more tonight, but right now, I successfully convinced work to cut a conference call short so that we could watch the swearing in. I don't know if it's the hormones or what, but I feel like I've been crying for the past three days. I just can't believe this is really happening. I have been successfully doing all my baby to-do lists without really processing the emotions around having a baby, but this weekend it hit me -- I get to raise my kid in a country that elected Barack Obama president. Sniff. Hope is right.

[Also, in case you think I'm losing my edge, watching Dick Cheney get hauled out in a wheelchair gives me a girl hard on. Assholes get what they deserve.]

Watching (Or Why I'm Afraid of Maternity Leave)

YG and I are sitting on the couch watching Fear -- that piece of awesome from 1996 starring Marky Mark and Reese Witherspoon. I am trying to explain to him why this is a piece of cinematic greatness. Let me count the ways:

1. Hello? Marky Mark.
2. The "your parents are divorced and your dad has a new family so you will pick an abusive boyfriend" plot line.
3. The roller coaster finger puppets. Classy.
4. The "I'm going to take your virginity by breaking into your house and waking you up with my penis" scene.
5. Alyssa Milano.
6. Marky Mark beats himself in the chest repeatedly with the crazy eyes.
7. "Nicole 4 Eva" carved on the same chest.

It's so bad, it's brilliant. But, see, this is what happens when I have some responsibility for evening planning and meals. We're sitting on the couch eating leftovers out of plastic containers watching Fear. When YG is in charge, there is a meal "plan" that sometimes includes vegetables. I really fear for what's going to happen to us when I'm on leave. 3 months of Lean Cuisine and a steady diet of Jerry Springer? I'm worried.

New Year's Resolutions

1. Blog more.
2. No, really.
3. Learn how to upload pictures easily.
4. Figure out Facebook so that I don't feel like I'm a hundred years old every time I'm on there.
5.Submit 3 pieces...anywhere.
6. Figure out my career. I know this is on there every year, but maybe this will be the year.
7. Run three races post-Zygote.
8. Journal more.
9. Stop watching so much crappy t.v.
10. Stop buying books when I have bookshelves full of unread books.

I have a lot more rattling around in my brain, but that's ten for now.

Oh, Oprah

Unless you've been living under a rock lately, you've probably heard that Oprah got "fat" again. She's 200 lbs (enormous, ya know) and is asking herself, "How did I let this happen again?” She's also talking about how she isn't setting an example for her fans.

Enough. Seriously. You're fine the way you are. You're fucking Oprah. Regardless of what you think about the woman, she's ACCOMPLISHED. AND she's worried about being fat. It makes me feel kind of hopeless. I am 16 weeks pregnant, and I am still struggling with all this crap. It sucks. I wish I wasn't, but there you go. I struggle with body image under the best of circumstances, so I don't know why I thought being pregnant would change that. I am supposed to be gaining weight for the health of my kid, but it's still fucking with my head. Then I see one of the most accomplished women in the world struggling with this -- and instead of talking about that part, the struggle -- she's talking about being disappointed in herself. It makes me feel like I'm SUPPOSED to be disappointed in myself, and that's not right.

As expected, a lot of other people have tons to say about this. Here are some of my favorite picks:

* Shapely Prose:

". . .you’re showing the world that no amount of money, or hard work, or discipline (whatever guilt you feel over easing out of that part-time job, come on, don’t even try to tell me that Oprah Winfrey lacks self-discipline and determination!) can make a stubbornly fat body remain thin for long. I just wish, for your sake as well as for the millions of women who look up to you, you could find a way to reframe your struggles with your weight, to practice and promote Health at Every Size, to believe that you are a beautiful woman — you so are! — who does not need to keep apologizing for what she eats or what dress size she wears. I wish you would choose to be the role model you’re perfectly suited to be, instead of trying to be one you’re not — and instead being an object lesson."

* The F-Word:

"She’s the poster child for unproven, untested, unsuccessful and medically unsound weight-loss plans galore - plans that despite their proven ineffectiveness, continue to motivate viewers to try similar methods because Oprah did it! And yet even with her great wealth, personal chef and trainer and access to healthy foods and fitness resources, Oprah hasn’t been able to sustain a weight loss for any length of time. We don’t need Einstein to tell us that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Things To Be Thankful For

It's been a long time since I've posted anything of note, mainly because I've been busy with work and school. Now that the Thanksgiving weekend has passed and I survived the trek down to NJ and the Scamtrak crowds back, I'm safely settled back on the couch in my pajamas, watching Christmas Vacation with YG and the MG.

I also haven't been posting lately because our major items of note have been things that we've needed to keep relatively under wraps.

Major Item #1: YG graduated from Presidio and the same week, he got a new job. He's still with the same company, but now in a sustainable technology position. He was really deliberate about choosing his career path and school and this is the pay off for all his hard work. I'm all proud and shit. We celebrated with a weekend in Sonoma.

Major Item #2: We are expanding. Sometime around June 2, the G family will include me, YG, the MG, and the soon-to-be-named Zygote G. I'm about 14 weeks along, and just starting to show with a tiny belly and gargantuan boobs that have taken over Cambridge. We had our second ultrasound last Tuesday and Zygote was happy and healthy and jumping all over the place. I saw the tiny hands and feet, and it was all too surreal.

I'm finding it extremely difficult to write about all the crazy emotions surrounding all of this. Everything that I was thinking about in the abstract is now real, and we have a lot of thinking and planning and buying (holy shit, are things expensive!) to do in the next six months. I'm very excited, but also terrified. I guess this is the beginning of my lifetime of worry.

I'm also grateful that everyone seems to be really happy for us. YG's family, my family, all of our friends and coworkers -- everyone thinks we're ready -- and the MG is excited about the prospect of being the big sister.

So that's our big news and the big thing we're thankful for this year. I know that I'll be able to write more eloquently about this at a later time, but for now, let's just say that I'm really, really happy.

Election Day

I'm alternating between nail biting, crying, being hopeful...everything.
I went to the my polling station before it opened this morning and waited on line for about 45 minutes. I got to the front of the line and was told that my name wasn't on the list, that I had been dropped, along with a number of other people. I had to wait until the volunteers got through to the secretary of state's office and confirmed that we were registered. It was a pain in the ass, but I waited because I wanted my vote to count -- even if it was coming from big, gay liberal Cambridge. Lots of interesting comments about the People's Republic in this news story. I finally voted and now I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting. I am cautiously optimistic.

I Used To Have A Blog

But then my home PC crapped out with the blue screen of death and a fatal system error, and I had no desire to go to the library to update my five readers on foods that I have eaten and things that I have bought. I am also juggling work, school, and some volunteer stuff (I know) and like to sleep sometimes. I will be back when things get more interesting and after the election is over. That way you'll know if I'm happy or if I'm packing up and moving to Europe.

Love Your Body Day is October 15

From the website:

"Women and girls are continually bombarded with images from entertainment and advertising that help define our culture's beauty ideal. Fashion magazines, celebrity blogs and TV shows like Make Me a Supermodel continue to push girls and women to try unhealthy fad diets to achieve unrealistic body types. And while girls and women resort to compulsive exercise, starving themselves, and cosmetic surgery to achieve the media image of the "perfect" body and face, they may not realize that their health and lives are at risk. But you can make a difference!

The NOW Foundation's Love Your Body campaign helps raise awareness about women's health, body image and self-esteem. Since 1997, Love Your Body has given girls and women the tools and the encouragement to "just say no" to the air-brushed, cookie cutter images that Hollywood and Madison Avenue are trying to sell.

On Oct. 15, NOW chapters and campus and community activists across the country are celebrating Love Your Body Day with actions and events. "

Tell Your Friends!

In the same spirit, Fat Talk Free Week.

Check out the video. I'm a little wary of anything sponsored by a sorority, but this is pretty cool.

Tenemos Amor a Noche? Or Where the Hell Have I Been?

So, it's been a while. Since I last wrote, I have been across the country and back, to NJ, and am now getting ready to head off to Syracuse. I'm a little exhausted, but happy with being able to see everyone.

The trip to San Diego was a business trip, but well worth it. I got good media coverage and was able to sneak in visits to Nikki and Marisela, both of whom I haven't seen in a while. It was warm and sunny and I saw the Pacific again and finally watched the Sex & The City Movie (suck) and had an awesome lemon square at Extraordinary Desserts. I took the red eye back and nearly killed myself due to the screaming baby on the plane. Seriously, who takes a 6 month old baby on a friggin' red eye? It was so out of hand and there were lots of annoyed, and then screaming, passengers and NO SLEEP.

I got home Wednesday morning and saw YG for a handful of hours before he headed off to San Francisco for school. I left for NJ on Friday night, spent 5.5 hours in traffic, and gorged myself on food and strip mall shopping all weekend.

On Columbus Day, I took the day off and ran the Tufts 10K for Women in Boston. It was one of the better races I've run and there were over 7,000 women, some who were 32-year veterans. I ran the whole thing (all 6.2 loooong miles) and finished in 1:21. I'm really happy with my time and my progress and the fact that I set a goal at the beginning of the summer and stuck to it. I hope to do it again next year. I will get to that marathon yet.

This weekend we're heading to Syracuse to hang out with Becky and Phil and to show YG and SG the SU campus (i.e. where all the magic happened). Should be a good time.

So yeah, a rather boring update, but I haven't been doing a ton of stuff other than travel, work, more work, my writing class and the other work we're doing for the church. Boooooring.

And what does "tenemos amor a noche?" refer to? YG and I were telling the MG about how long we studied Spanish in school and were trying to demonstrate conversational phrases. He couldn't remember the Spanish word for sex. Hee. I managed to answer, "No, no, YG, mi cabeza" and he shot back, "Muchas gracias [Insert EvilCameltoe's Name]." Adventures in Spanglish.