Today: Grooming

It's hard to get excited about clothes and shoes when you are 7.5 months pregnant, forced to wear flats and bulging out of everything you own. So I appreciate the small things. A nice necklace, a cool bag, wearing earrings. I always forget to wear jewelry, but I've been doing it more so lately because I've been rotating the same 8 outfits for months now.

This morning, I decided to get my hair washed and blown out. This is, by far, one of my favorite things in the world. If I ever win the lotto and become ridiculously rich, I will hire someday to come to my house every few days and blow out my hair. I'm too lazy to do it myself, and when I do bother, it never looks as nice and shiny. My hair, which is already crazy thick and hard to deal with, has not fallen out AT ALL during this pregnancy so most of the time, it feels like I'm wearing a toupee and I just feel ratty. But not today. It feels light and it's shiny, and it's the small things. I'm taking YG away this weekend for Super Secret Birthday Weekend, and I'm just happy to be looking, well, decent.

Friday: Sanity Check

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday morning that went relatively well. Zygote is jumpy and healthy again, but it, to quote the doctor, "looks like I am working on a big baby." Gulp. She is also worried about my weight. I gained more weight than I should have, am now over 200 lbs, and she thinks it might affect the baby's size and the process of having the baby. :-( I also don't have to keep eating my 300 extra calories a day anymore, since I have "some to spare." She was really nice about it, and not at all shaming, but UGH. I made it about two blocks before bursting into tears, and had YG talk me off the ledge.

I could have had a shitty day, but I'm grateful that I have decent friends who pointed out that I'm doing all the right things and that it isn't something to really worry about. Everyone seems to be getting the same kinds of weight advice, I shouldn't take it personally, and I am NOT doing anything harmful to my kid. I eat okay most of the time and I still work out five days a week, and I didn't dwell on it for THAT long. My friends are awesome.

Thursday's Gratitude: Restaurant Week With Friends

I worked late on Thursday and then met SKB at Upstairs on the Square for more Restaurant Week yumminess. I chatted with the nice bartenders before she arrived, had the BEST fried artichoke and pizza and then some yummy bread pudding. All for about $30. Woo hoo! YG met us later after his own Restaurant Week date and we just hung out. Good end to a stressful week.

Wednesday's Gratitude

I'm behind. Kind of a crazy week. But I did manage to catch up on my Target: Women episodes. LOVE this girl.

Grateful for Small Reprieves

I worked at home today which basically means that I rolled out of bed in my pajamas and was online slaving away at ungodly hours. I worked all the way through, taking one break to go get a delicious maple scone at Diesel. The frosting was perfect, and it made me smile for a short bit. Tons of conference calls this afternoon, an unexpected work project, fires to put out, but we logged off at 5 to get to Mt. Auburn Hospital to meet the doctors who work in Labor & Delivery. I feel infinitely better. Everyone seemed reasonable and willing to work with whatever plan we have in mind, and they have a really low C-section rate which makes me happy. We're meeting one of our doula candidates on Monday night. After the doctor visit, we had a Restaurant Week dinner at Harvest and then came back home where unfortunately, we are all back working again. But the reprieves? They are good. They keep the rest in perspective.

And Tomorrow

I will be remember to write my Fuck It List, as opposed to my Bucket List. But my laptop if running out of batteries.

Today's Gratitude: First Church

YG and I first started going to First Church about 2.5 years ago when we both realized that we wanted to find a church to go to. We were both raised Catholic but were more or less kicked out when we got divorced. We shopped around for churches, but none felt right. And then we walked into First Church and everything just changed. We were where we were supposed to be.

I don't generally like to talk religion or church because it generally freaks people out and makes them assume you are some kind of Jesus freak. So I keep it personal, as I think most religion and/or faith should be.

Every quarter, First Church offers a healing mass. They sing nice songs and the people who want or need to get to talk to a deacon or the pastor and tell them what's on their mind. Then they bless you, offer you some kind words and send you on your way. It's a little bit like Confession, but out in the open. Sometimes, I need it and other times I find myself annoyed because it takes so long and I long for the days of Catholic Mass because at least you know you're ALWAYS going to get out in 50 minutes or less.

Today, I was fairly certain I didn't need it, but then I just started crying in church for I don't know what reason. I've been overly emotional these past few days, realizing that we have just 11 weeks left until Zygote shows up. There's a lot of work we need to do and I'm overly stressed at my job, and just wondering how I'm going to handle having a baby; if I'm suited to have a baby because I'm so selfish; if I'm going to be a shitty mother; if YG and I are going to fall apart; if I'm going to have no life left -- basically I'm overwhelmed with how much my life is going to change. I'm sure this is all normal and everybody feels this way, but I'm just on edge. So I said my bit, all snot faced and weepy, and I got my healing prayer and I immediately felt better.

I don't know if it works for everyone, but it worked for me. And I'm grateful.

Thank God for Syracuse Basketball

Won in 6 overtimes on Thursday and then overtime again last night. 51-43 right now, and they're looking very tired. Fingers crossed for another miracle.

Grateful For: Adult Weekend

OMG, so glad that it's Friday. Work is crazy busy, and Zygote is not cooperating. I am up every few hours during the night, tossing and turning, and the iron deficiency is only making me even more tired. Every day, around 2 p.m., I feel like I am going to DIE. But now, it's Friday and I have a whole adult weekend ahead of me. YG is bringing the MG back to her mom's tomorrow morning, and then we're going to just hang out and get some errands done and go to the gym and SLEEP. And then on Sunday, we'll go to brunch and walk around and cook at home. It will be nice and slow and I need it.

Today: Music and The Fun Facebook Notes About It

Sadly, I did not run into Bono last night. But I did enjoy the people watching in the Square and having a delicious dinner of ice cream, followed by potato skins with drunk YG and his slightly-less-drunk friend. We milled around a bit and talked to some fun local folks, but no Bono. Did I mention that I love where I live? How cool is it that fucking U2(!!!!!) played two blocks from my house in perhaps the most uncomfortable venue I've ever seen a show in? Cool.

In other music themes, the new note passing through Facebook is 26 albums. NN sent it to me and I actually had fun with it, and was grateful for the break from work. Cut and pasted from over there.

Think of 26 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that, no matter what they were thought of musically, shaped your world. When you finish, tag 26 others, including me. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill. Get the idea now? Good. Readers should feel free to guess (or ask) why particular albums are there.

The Early Years -- or mostly things my parents had in vinyl
1. Beatles -- 1967-1970(The Blue Album)
2. Beatles -- Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
3. Simon and Garfunkel -- Sounds of Silence
4. The Pointer Sisters -- Break Out. (We used to listen to this all.the.time. And dance. And then the record would jump and scratch. So cheesey.)
5. Diana Ross and The Supremes -- Merry Christmas (I love/d this album. It was my dad's. We listened to it every year, along with one that featured Perry Cuomo's head in a Christmas wreath.)
6. Madonna -- Like A Virgin. (I believe there is a videotape of me somewhere singing "Dress You Up" on our kitchen table.)
7. Bruce Springsteen -- Born in the USA. (First cassette tape I ever owned.)

High School -- or I'm so sad and suburban angsty
8. The Cure -- Disintegration
9. The Cure -- Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me
10. Pavement -- Slanted and Enchanted
11. The Pixies -- Doolittle
12. Sonic Youth -- Goo
13. Teenage Fanclub -- Bandwagonesque
14. Nirvana -- Smells Like Teen Spirit (yeah, I KNOW. But I listened to it all.the.time)

College -- I'm not so sad, but I am so cool
15. Radiohead -- The Bends (psycho roommate on benders)
16. Radiohead -- OK Computer (painting 913)
17. Smashing Pumpkins -- Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness (Lawrinson)
18. Liz Phair -- Exile in Guyville
19. Pixies -- Bossanova
20. Afghan Whigs -- Black Love (back and forth to Chicago)
21. Ani DiFranco -- a tie between Little Plastic Castle and Not a Pretty Girl

Post-college -- I am totally devolving and the fact that I don't listen to the radio means that I think Belle and Sebastian is a "new" band
22. Magnetic Fields -- 69 Love Songs
23. Bob Dylan -- Blood on The Tracks
24. Bruce Springsteen -- The Wild, The Innocent, and The E Street Shuffle
25. Death Cab for Cutie -- We Have The Facts and We're Voting Yes (405)
26. Wilco -- Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

And there are so many more. I had a really hard time with this. Also, I desperately need some new recommendations.

Yesterday: When The Mainstream Media Gets It Right

Newsweek ran this story, Five Mistakes We Make When We Talk About Rihanna, yesterday. I don't know who Chris Brown is and I didn't know anything about Rihanna other than the umbrella song and her Cover Girl commercials, but I've been watching the coverage of their domestic dispute, horrified. I can't believe how many people are just blowing this off and saying that people should give the dude a break. This story puts it in perspective. Do NOT read the comments section if you want a break from douchebaggery.

Also, in other media news, my serious crush on our President has not abated. A White House Council on Women and Girls? Lurve.



Also, thankful for Feministing because I probably would not be following all these stories without them.

Grateful For: The Third Trimester

Well, I made it. I'm here at 28 weeks, officially in the third trimester. We're sitting on the couch, watching The Biggest Loser like we normally do on Tuesday nights, and Zygote is using my rib cage as some sort of percussion instrument. I can feel him or her almost every day now, and it's just freaky and weird and cool. According to the calendar over at AlphaMom, s/he is about 2.5 pounds. Now that I'm here, it's hard to remember all the anxiety and paranoia of the first trimester, but I was scared almost all of the time. And now I'm here. I just need to stay healthy for the next 12 weeks and then I get to meet this person.

That's rather gushy, but there you go.

Today: Feminism

Kate Harding has a great post over at Shapely Prose about International Women's Day. The whole piece is worth reading, along with the comments, but these two paragraphs specifically spoke to me:

"I started off with a whole lot of privilege that meant removing the “you must marry and reproduce young” obstacle actually had an enormous effect. That wouldn’t have been true if I hadn’t had the money to go to college; if I hadn’t had white skin and a WASPy name invisibly opening doors for me all along; if I hadn’t had parents who valued education and valued their girl children just as much as boys; if I’d grown up in a community where women still did start having children very young, or where there was no expectation that the average kid there would go on to higher education and a white collar job; if I’d been gay and the marriage/babies issue had been a lot more complicated than “I’m busy with other stuff.” My example here is a grade-A prime illustration of how feminism has centered and benefited white, middle-class, straight women, while leaving other women behind — and thus a prime illustration of how feminism needs to change, and how much fucking work is left to be done.

But if today is about celebrating the positives, it’s worth acknowledging that it’s also a prime illustration of how much cultural values can change in a single generation, and how much one strain of change can make a difference for some women. I grew up with a shitload more freedom and independence than my mom did. And that is indeed worth a cheer from me today, before it’s back to all the battles left to be fought. "

Today, I'm grateful that I grew up in a relatively feminist household, even if my parents would drop dead before calling it that. Reasons I feel this way:

* I always knew I was going to college. Both of my parents worked their asses off to get advanced degrees and started talking about college and career plans with us when we were very young. Education was a TOP priority.
* My siblings and I didn't have gender expectations put upon us, meaning that my parents had the same expectations of my sister and I then they had of my brother. We were all going to go to school, study hard and be successful. It didn't matter who was a boy or a girl.
* It was CRYSTAL CLEAR that marriage, babies and "settling down" came after you were established and had a life and career of your own.
* My mother was always the primary breadwinner, showing us that this could be done. As far as I know, she never felt bad about having a career. Having that model makes it infinitely easier to deal with putting Zygote in day care while I figure out my next move. Nobody in my family cares, and frankly, they wouldn't expect otherwise. That support seems critical right now.
* My parents pretty much shared chores. There was no second shift. Again, proof that it can be done.
* Nobody gave me shit when I decided to get divorced. Sure, they did their own thing with managing gossip, but nobody told me that getting divorced was wrong or that I was making a mistake or that I would always be thought of as flawed.

There are plenty of others, but those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Honestly, I don't normally think about them until I hear stories about people who have grown up differently or are still struggling with parental expectations that they will get married, breed, and what not. I suppose I am pretty lucky.

Today: Bursts of Spring

We had over a foot of snow just days ago, but it's all melted by now. Yesterday was about 70 degrees in New Jersey, and today the weather held up for the drive back and this afternoon. We drove along Memorial Drive and watched all the runners and bikers out on the path and some rowers on the Charles. When we got home, YG and MG played catch in the backyard, and I was able to get out for a walk. I walked through Davis Square where all the people were gathered around on the picnic benches. The first street musicians were out, and Diesel and Joshua Tree both had all their windows open. People, including myself, were in a good mood. Fingers crossed that this sticks.

Yesterday: Family

I missed yesterday because we did another whirlwind day -- drove from here to Staten Island to New Jersey to bed and then back again. Yesterday (and today), I was thankful for family. We had a surprise 60th birthday party for my dad, and my nana, all my aunts, some cousins and family friends were all there. The food was excellent and we had a good time hanging out with all. I forget that not everybody has this. Some of my friends and even YG have aunts and uncles that they rarely see or have no relationship, and that's so strange to me. I like that there's ALWAYS lots of people around to talk to and to see. Yes, it's a pain in the ass, but blah, blah, it takes a village.

Today's Gratitude: Reunited (And It Feels So Good)

Today, I'm happy that business trips do eventually come to an end. I missed YG while he was gone. Don't get me wrong -- I love my alone time and I've never understood couples who need to spend every waking moment together. But you get used to certain sounds and smells in the house, and when they're not there, it just seems...off. YG was gone from Sunday to today, and I'm glad he's back. It snowed on Monday and it was god awful cold all week so I didn't get out much, but I enjoyed my time working late and going to bed late and watching crappy t.v. I'm grateful YG made it back home safe and sound, and that our house is back to normal.

Today: Fighting for What's Right

Today, California's Supreme Court started weighing the legality of the gay marriage ban. They have 90 days to issue a ruling. Fingers and everything else on me crossed. I'm grateful for the people who showed up and non-violently protested side-by-side with the fuckers who held up signs like “Gay = Pervert” and “A Moral Wrong Can’t Be a Civil Right.” I don't know if I would have the ability to hold my tongue.

Also grateful for:

The Courage Campaign's video:


For The Bible Tells Me So -- My church did a screening of this movie (speaking of grateful, how cool is that?) about a year ago and I missed it, but I finally got along to watching it on HBO. Really well done, really moving.

Today: Bad TV

I'm sure I will eventually get around to all the real things that I'm grateful for like friends, family, blah, blah, but the frivalous things are fun too. America's Next Top Model kicks off tonight and I couldn't be more happy. I LOVE this show! It's a sick, sick addiction and I need help. Already we've had Tyra in some gold lame outfit using her faux European accent and claiming herself "The Goddess of Fierce," along with your standard freakshows like the Jesus freak, the uppity bitch, a conspiracy theorist and someone with "anxiety issues" who also collects pens. It is scripted, sparkly crack and it is awesome.

In other news, Zygote is doing well. I passed my glucose test so no gestational diabetes. Woot! Unfortunately, my anemia is getting worse so I have yet another iron supplement to take. But poop stories -- yay!

Today's Gratitude: Friends in The Arts

I had this long bitch post ready to go this morning about how it's 12 degrees and freezing and how I had to drive 80 miles this morning and how the pizza guy was an hour late last night and how I gained five pounds in a week and how gross my glucose drink was and.....well, sometimes you just end up in a good mood for reasons beyond your control. I was prepared to be bitchy and then I was not. Worked from home, caught up on a TON of work, listened to my happy, bouncy baby on the doppler. I guess this is why they call them mood "swings."

Tonight, I got to see my friend, SKB, perform in The Nose. It was great and interesting and weird. I am long past the point of caring whether or not I go somewhere by myself, and I struck up a conversation with the girl sitting next to me, who was there to support her friend singing in the chorus. I am grateful that I have so many friends still trying to make a living in The Arts. My day-to-day is about as far away from a creative life as you can possibly get, and I can sometimes get sucked into the racket. Between YG and I, we know quite a few singers, actors, writers, photographers, dancers, etc. It's inspiring, and helps me see that there is a life path other than the one that was prescribed to me (and that I unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on the day, followed). I am still sending my writing out there, and got an official rejection today on my travel piece. But it wasn't a form letter! Progress. :-)

Today, I am also grateful for my corporate whore lifestyle because it allowed to me to hitch a $28 cab ride back from Boston rather than take the T in the freezing cold and talk to the cabbie about his favorite operas. It's the little things that count.

Grateful for

Figleaves.com! My new bras came today. Big, gargantuan bras for big, pregnant, gargantuan jugs. No more back fat! No more spillage! Woo hoo. Now that's the spirit of Lent.