Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Church, State, In the Crazy

I'm feeling all kinds of bitchy right now for no real reason. I'm just cranky and irrational -- in the crazy, to put it exactly. And it won't stop raining which is contributing to my general "I should be wearing sweatpants ALL THE TIME" malaise.

I can't get my brain to focus. Lots of things:

* My family came up to visit this weekend. Mom, Dad, Aunt Joanie, Uncle David, and Sean. We can't seem to get away from traveling in packs. I showed them around Harvard and we had a great dinner at Harvest. On Saturday, they got to meet the MG for the first time, my mom got reaquainted with YG, and my aunt and uncle met him for the first time. We did the Duck Tours (tons of cheesey fun) and Faneuil Hall and then walked to the North End for drinks before heading to Mamma Maria's. And holy shit, was that good! Mmmm....They really loved the MG, and I have a feeling this is going to be one of those situations where the family likes YG even more than me. The Boy Scout with his parents-love-me goodness. I don't know if I should be disturbed by this, or if I'm finally at a point where I can accept that my parents do have some sort of clue on what makes an acceptable partner. TBD. On Sunday, we had brunch and some good ol' family brawlin' when my uncle lost his wallet. :-)

* Church. So I've been searching for a church to go to. I grew up Catholic, and I enjoy the pageantry and the way things are ALWAYS the same, no matter what country, no matter what language. I'm not so into the change. And I like the sense of community, and I know YG is looking for that too.

But it's always been hard to resolve my feelings about staying Catholic when the Church does such dumb shit sometimes. It became even harder during the "big scandal." So I've been watching with interest as this is going on. On the one hand, I applaud the Bishops for even debating some of these issues. It, at least, acknowledges that they're aware of, ya know, THE WORLD. And all religions have rules and regulations that you need to follow. I'm usually all for following the rules.

But I guess I shouldn't be calling myself a Catholic anymore. I mean, that's essentially what they're saying -- that the rules are a certain way, and while they're not going to exclude me for my beliefs and I'm welcome to come to church, I really shouldn't be calling myself a Catholic if I have no intention of following those rules. So....I don't know how I feel about that. Four percent of Catholics follow the rules on birth control. FOUR PERCENT! That's not a lot, and frankly, I find the church's policy on birth control extremely DANGEROUS! [Yes, I am that annoying person who uses all caps way too much]. And I have no intention of following that rule. Plus a number of others. I don't get to take Communion. I understand, but it still stings a little. It felt very strange the first time I went to Church and didn't go to Communion -- like I was the only one, like people were watching me, like I might as well wear a big sign that said "I'm a dirty divorced hozzle."

Why am I so bothered by this? There are a gazillion churches out there, and YG and I want to explore some others. But the sting is definitely real.

* State. Let's all take a minute to celebrate the defeat of evil. Woo hoo! Yay -- election day. Now I'm really curious to see what happens. I hope, in the darkest depths of my soul, that the Dems have some sort of plan for this country. It's very hard to hope, but I do. I hope their platform isn't "Let's just take over and figure out next steps once we're there." It's kind of nice being an Independent -- I get to whine about everyone.

As for Donald Rumsfeld. Heh. Adios, motherfucker. I'm not sure if you're one of those Jesus freaks too, but if you are, I hope you enjoy everything that's coming to you in the afterlife.

* Insomnia. I am having a big bout right now. I've probably gotten about five hours of sleep in the last two days, and man, am I being a cranky bitch. I feel sorry for the guys that work for me. It hasn't been pleasant, but hopefully this one will pass soon.

* Writing. I have been writing A LOT lately. Mostly short stories, and some memoir-ish stuff. I am gritting my teeth and doing it, but it's hard. I keep saying that I'm going to hash that shit out here, but then I forget.

* School. My class is almost over. It was a pretty good use of money, and I feel slightly more comfortable with public speaking. Last week, we had to do a speech about a negative in our life that we turned into a positive. I'll post that up here when I get a chance.

* My lazy ass. Really, I'm stunned that I have any friends at all. I am so incredibly bad about emailing. Lisa, Jared, Devon, and countless others -- I WILL EMAIL YOU BACK. I promise. I just get a little caught up in my cycle of pointless self-analysis that I forget there's other people out there.

* The holidays. Thanksgiving is next week. I was doing something random the other day and then I remembered that this will be the first Thanksgiving dinner without my grandfather. I didn't remember something really sweet about him -- I remembered how grossed out I would be when he would gnaw at the turkey carcas. And then I got incredibly sad because I really wouldn't mind being grossed out like that this year.

I think that's it for now. I'm all over the place and am boring even myself. Bleh.