Saturday, March 21, 2009

Today: Grooming

It's hard to get excited about clothes and shoes when you are 7.5 months pregnant, forced to wear flats and bulging out of everything you own. So I appreciate the small things. A nice necklace, a cool bag, wearing earrings. I always forget to wear jewelry, but I've been doing it more so lately because I've been rotating the same 8 outfits for months now.

This morning, I decided to get my hair washed and blown out. This is, by far, one of my favorite things in the world. If I ever win the lotto and become ridiculously rich, I will hire someday to come to my house every few days and blow out my hair. I'm too lazy to do it myself, and when I do bother, it never looks as nice and shiny. My hair, which is already crazy thick and hard to deal with, has not fallen out AT ALL during this pregnancy so most of the time, it feels like I'm wearing a toupee and I just feel ratty. But not today. It feels light and it's shiny, and it's the small things. I'm taking YG away this weekend for Super Secret Birthday Weekend, and I'm just happy to be looking, well, decent.

Friday: Sanity Check

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday morning that went relatively well. Zygote is jumpy and healthy again, but it, to quote the doctor, "looks like I am working on a big baby." Gulp. She is also worried about my weight. I gained more weight than I should have, am now over 200 lbs, and she thinks it might affect the baby's size and the process of having the baby. :-( I also don't have to keep eating my 300 extra calories a day anymore, since I have "some to spare." She was really nice about it, and not at all shaming, but UGH. I made it about two blocks before bursting into tears, and had YG talk me off the ledge.

I could have had a shitty day, but I'm grateful that I have decent friends who pointed out that I'm doing all the right things and that it isn't something to really worry about. Everyone seems to be getting the same kinds of weight advice, I shouldn't take it personally, and I am NOT doing anything harmful to my kid. I eat okay most of the time and I still work out five days a week, and I didn't dwell on it for THAT long. My friends are awesome.

Thursday's Gratitude: Restaurant Week With Friends

I worked late on Thursday and then met SKB at Upstairs on the Square for more Restaurant Week yumminess. I chatted with the nice bartenders before she arrived, had the BEST fried artichoke and pizza and then some yummy bread pudding. All for about $30. Woo hoo! YG met us later after his own Restaurant Week date and we just hung out. Good end to a stressful week.

Wednesday's Gratitude

I'm behind. Kind of a crazy week. But I did manage to catch up on my Target: Women episodes. LOVE this girl.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Grateful for Small Reprieves

I worked at home today which basically means that I rolled out of bed in my pajamas and was online slaving away at ungodly hours. I worked all the way through, taking one break to go get a delicious maple scone at Diesel. The frosting was perfect, and it made me smile for a short bit. Tons of conference calls this afternoon, an unexpected work project, fires to put out, but we logged off at 5 to get to Mt. Auburn Hospital to meet the doctors who work in Labor & Delivery. I feel infinitely better. Everyone seemed reasonable and willing to work with whatever plan we have in mind, and they have a really low C-section rate which makes me happy. We're meeting one of our doula candidates on Monday night. After the doctor visit, we had a Restaurant Week dinner at Harvest and then came back home where unfortunately, we are all back working again. But the reprieves? They are good. They keep the rest in perspective.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

And Tomorrow

I will be remember to write my Fuck It List, as opposed to my Bucket List. But my laptop if running out of batteries.

Today's Gratitude: First Church

YG and I first started going to First Church about 2.5 years ago when we both realized that we wanted to find a church to go to. We were both raised Catholic but were more or less kicked out when we got divorced. We shopped around for churches, but none felt right. And then we walked into First Church and everything just changed. We were where we were supposed to be.

I don't generally like to talk religion or church because it generally freaks people out and makes them assume you are some kind of Jesus freak. So I keep it personal, as I think most religion and/or faith should be.

Every quarter, First Church offers a healing mass. They sing nice songs and the people who want or need to get to talk to a deacon or the pastor and tell them what's on their mind. Then they bless you, offer you some kind words and send you on your way. It's a little bit like Confession, but out in the open. Sometimes, I need it and other times I find myself annoyed because it takes so long and I long for the days of Catholic Mass because at least you know you're ALWAYS going to get out in 50 minutes or less.

Today, I was fairly certain I didn't need it, but then I just started crying in church for I don't know what reason. I've been overly emotional these past few days, realizing that we have just 11 weeks left until Zygote shows up. There's a lot of work we need to do and I'm overly stressed at my job, and just wondering how I'm going to handle having a baby; if I'm suited to have a baby because I'm so selfish; if I'm going to be a shitty mother; if YG and I are going to fall apart; if I'm going to have no life left -- basically I'm overwhelmed with how much my life is going to change. I'm sure this is all normal and everybody feels this way, but I'm just on edge. So I said my bit, all snot faced and weepy, and I got my healing prayer and I immediately felt better.

I don't know if it works for everyone, but it worked for me. And I'm grateful.