Friday, August 19, 2011

Facebook Status Updates Too Boring For Facebook Due To The Kids Or The Boobs And Therefore Only Relevant To A Minuscule Subset of Friend Population


* had nothing bitchy to say to the woman who told her the stroller was taking up too much room on the bus. If you have nothing bitchy to say, don't say anything at all.

* is a bit like Leonard Cohen except I chafe in the places where I used to play.

* wants to drop these screaming kids off on the Sears' door. Attach yourself to this, fuckers.

* needs a mommy cause to really fit in with the sanctimommies at mommy group. Wild snow leopards and their impact on our children.

* wonders if it's ever appropriate to live blog your husband's vasectomy.

* does sit ups and planks while Z2 does 'tummy time.' So much crying.

* remembers a time when she didn't have to pick things out of other people's junk.

* is fascinated by this Versailles fountain like boob.

* wonders if she's setting Zygote up for a lifetime of failed romantic relationships with all this loud fart encouragement.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

This Is What A Relationship Looks Like: Tapioca Edition

JM: It's gross.
YG: How do you not like this? It's just vanilla pudding.
JM: With balls in it.
YG: You like balls.
Together: In my/your mouth.

#married well.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Quotable Quotes From Vacation That May or May Not Be Funny

Re: News
Dad to Mom: You know, Brian listens to that National Public Radio. NPR?
JM to sister: THAT National Public Radio.

Re: Transgendered Members of the Family
Person 1: Well, of course, I accept it, but it's hard. You know in my day, a homo was a homo and a regular person was a regular person.
Person 2, in heavy NY accent: I have to say, it all gets very confusing.

Re: Genetics
Mom: The [Dad's family name] have scary eyes. The baby has warm eyes. Like me.

Re: Genetics Part 2
Mom: That little baby was cute, but not as cute as OUR babies. Our babies have excellent features.

Re: Random
Mom: Zygote's doll looks like Robinson Cano, don't you think?
JM: What? No.
Mom: No, he does.
JM: First off, the doll is white.
Mom: I know, but the features are the same.

Re: Myers Briggs Tests
JM: I alternate between being an ISTJ and INTJ.
JM: I and J being the strongest, obviously.
Mom: I took that once. I am obviously an E, but I was really surprised that I got a J.
Cue hysterical laughing from JM, YG and Dad.
Mom: No, really, I didn't think I was judgmental.
YG: I really hope that wasn't some sort of seminal moment for you.