Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Decision Making

I meant to post this yesterday, but I wanted to get to bed. We had a pretty good experience interviewing a doula last night. I've had mixed feelings about whether or not I want a doula. Everyone says that they are very valuable, but I couldn't imagine sharing this very personal experience with a stranger. YG had similar feelings.

I thought I wanted a natural childbirth with no drugs, but I wasn't really clear on the reasons. We watched The Business of Being Born and read Birthing From Within , and now I have a clearer understanding of why this is a good idea in theory, but I'm still not clear on why I'm committed to it. Is it crazy competitive parenting? Is it because I'm afraid of missing something? Am I afraid of being judged? I don't know.

YG said that he thinks the way I'm presenting this says something about my true feelings. I've told people that I wanted to try for a natural childbirth, but that I wouldn't feel bad if I had an epidural. I told this to him, my doctor, the doula, the nurse at the hospital, etc. I thought this was the truth, but he thinks (and I agree) that there's an element of fear there -- that I don't know if I want to commit to natural childbirth. And well, that IS TRUE. Honestly, I can't imagine getting a needle in my spine -- that sounds horrifying and terrifying. But I also can't understand pain so bad that I would deliberately choose to have a needle in my spine.

I have a lot of thinking to do. If I want to commit to doing this naturally, I think the doula will be able to help both YG and I get through it. But if I'm already thinking, in the back of my mind, that I might want the epidural at some point, then why spend the money? Why add this other person in? I have to write it all out.

Grateful that I have choices, though.

A Good Night's Sleep

I'm at the point of being totally uncomfortable at night: getting up multiple times, rearranging pillows, tossing and turning. Add in sweatiness and bloody noses and it's all good times. I finally slept a bit last night, and it was so nice. I only woke up twice and I managed to be somewhat comfortable. Today, I felt relatively okay and somewhat alive at work. It's so hectic and crazy and I'm afraid that the other people on my team are picking up my slack, so I have my fingers crossed for a few more good nights.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Super Secret Birthday Weekend

Coming down off a fabulous weekend to celebrate YG's birthday. His actual birthday was a month ago, but we had business travel, NJ travel, and work shit to get to so no super secret birthday weekend until now. We started Super Secret Birthday Weekends a few years ago. He took me to San Francisco for my 30th, I took him to Vegas for his 40th, he took me to NYC for my 31st and 32nd birthdays, etc. It's fun to plan a trip entirely on your own, trying to create an itinerary that you know the other person will love.

This year, I knew we wouldn't be able to travel far and that we were trying to save money, so we stayed local. YG suspected this, but he wasn't entirely sure until we were in the car. We stopped first to pick up cupcakes at Kick Ass, and then I drove us over to The Hotel Marlowe, the hotel where we got married less than a year ago. They hooked us up with champagne and a room with a great view, only a few doors down from the one we stayed in during our wedding. The doormen were the same great guys and remembered us as the wedding "with all the people from New Jersey." :-)

We hung around the room for a while before heading over to Inman Oasis where I had scheduled a massage and hot tub soak for YG. I had my own prenatal massage, and about 5 minutes into that, I remembered that I don't particularly like massages. I stuck it out, though, and I'm glad. I feel so much better today. The belly cut out in the bed made me laugh, as did the gymnastics I needed to pull off to get myself OFF the table. They let me soak my feet in the community tub, and YG later joined me.

We went to Oleana for dinner, and nearly died from the fabulousness. The food was amazing. We had small plates and then shared delicious desserts -- a baked alaska with burnt coconut ice cream and a sesame almond tart with salted butter and caramel ice cream -- the ice cream flavor we've been searching for since Bertillon in Paris. It was amazing!

This morning, we cancelled the lunch reservations that I made and ordered room service and read magazines and just lounged around. We stopped for a tour of the Labor & Delivery ward on the way back home and then cooked dinner for the week.

Happy Birthday, YG! I'm grateful that I'm able to give you fun excursions like this.