Thursday, October 25, 2007

Live Blogging Game Two of the World Series

I have a ton of things to catch up on and three topics I want to cover: my ass, my class and Joe's demise. However, the World Series is on and it's been to dream to not forget about all the homoerotic Tim McGarverisms I hear on a regular basis and shout "did he REALLY just say that?" so here we go.

8:06 p.m. -- Pregame is boring. Balloon volleyball instead.

8:21 p.m. -- Music montages. I wonder if they'll show the bloody sock.
Commercials: Fox 25 News at 11, question for you -- why the hell would I would want an hour and a half of local news?
More commercials: that dude from Nip/Tuck is hot.

8:26 p.m. -- Jamey Carroll making jokes, not so much. Why is it so hard for this guys to read the names of people they play with every day?

8:27 p.m. -- I'm such a fucking dork. I am MasterCard's bitch. I CRY at these commericals and want to die.

8:28 p.m. -- I really would like an Evil Knieval lunchbox. Or any lunchbox at all that has a thermos with a cartoon character in it.

8:30 -- Opening pitch. Schilling's ass is old and saggy, but his ball "had a lot of juice on it." Hee. Now that I hate Beckett so much, the Schilling hate has kind of subsided. But then I see him, and I kind of wish he would get beat in the face.

8:35 -- Note to Fox: Only women like the close up facial shots, so more Lowell, Varitek, etc. Not so much on the Schilling.

8:37 -- Somebody needs to steal a base, but I REALLY want my free taco. Really, really, really. Free taco. Free taco.

8:42 -- I missed James Taylor singing the National Anthem. I mentioned "JT" to a younger person and they naturally assumed I was talking about Justin Timberlake. I am old. And lame because I like my vagina music folky.

8:44 -- informs me that Boyz II Men will be singing "God Bless America" tonight. Um, Boyz II Men? Seriously? Nobody else wanted to sing? According to the article, "Bless America" in the seventh inning of Game 2. They recorded five No. 1 R&B hits between 1992 and 1997, and their single "One Sweet Day" with Mariah Carey, set and broke records for the longest period of time a single remained at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100." This speaks volumes about the craptasticness of music.

8:47 -- Someone in the comments on TomatoNation referred to Youkilis as "Facebush" today which made me nearly pee my pants laughing. WTF is that thing? It's like a growth.

8:50 -- Do I even need to talk about this Santa Claus movie?

8:51 -- Another baseball commerical (this time for a tv) that makes me cry.

8:52 -- Already rethinking the live blogging thing.

9:00 -- Who do you sit, per AT&T? Ortiz, Lowell or Youkilis. I'm going with Ortiz -- given how everyone else is hitting, why not? You can put him in later.

9:02 -- Pepe Le Douche is up. I really have no reason for disliking JD Drew. I just do. "That hit bone." Hee.

9:04 -- Now Varitek. I used to like this guy. He's hot, he's a decent hitter, okay catcher. But that stupid "C." The "C" killed it for me. If you need a frickin sign on your chest to remind people that you're the captain, then you obviously have no authority, AND you kinda suck. It's so childish and lame. And the "fun fact" tells me that he likes listening to Dave Matthews Band and Bare Naked Ladies which is kind of what I'd expect from a meathead sports guy.

9:18 -- Where did this Ellsbury kid come from? How old is he? Why is everyone on the Yankees 400 years old?

9:24 -- Facebush almost got his head taken off. Jesus Christ. And McCarver says, "Jimenez just trying to come inside." Um, I don't think so. A miss is a miss. On the flip side, Youkilis probably wouldn't get hit so much if he didn't sit on top of the goddamn plate.

9:30 -- Bored enough to go check Go Fug Yourself and I couldn't be happier. For some reason, I can't see the pictures at work, only the text, and that's just not as much fun. Of course I don't know this because I am always working at work and I never, ever slack off.

9:34 -- "Normally, the shorter the stroke, the less power you have." PERFECT! "Dustin Pedroia. A small man with a long stroke." That itself made this whole excercise worthwhile.

9:47 -- Tie game. Musical bullpen.

9:50 -- I'm sure Terry Francona is a lovely man, but he fell out of the same ugly tree as Joe Torre. No more close ups please.


9:52 -- And in the next minute, I'm bored.

9:58 -- Took a break to wash my face and cry about all my gray hair. It MULTIPLIES! Over night! Also pondering my outfit and whether or not I should post a pic on "Am I Hot?" Bright green yoga pants, pink nightgown on top, gray knee socks, and a Syracuse hoodie that I am praying I bought when I was up there for BB and Phil's wedding party thing in 2005, because if I didn't buy it then, it means that I bought it when I actually went to Syracuse....9 years ago. If I was a guy, I would totally have sex with me right now.

10:03 -- I love the number of dick commericals during sports broadcasts. Levitra. Cialis. Viagra. I hardly ever see these commercials on regular t.v. I am very curious about "call your doctor about an erection lasting over 4 hours." Isn't that Sting's whole thing?

10:04 -- Montage!

10:06 -- The opposite to my outfit, YG has spent the past two nights looking cute on the couch in various Red Sox hoodies, hats and t-shirts.

10:08 -- Facebush Face-off.

10:13 -- Just doublechecked the spelling of Apodaca. Pitching coach for the Rockies. Makes me laugh.

10:14 -- McCarver "Manny can strike like a cobra in a basket." OMG, he's so.....cheesy.

10:17 -- Boston leads. Hottie Lowell puts the Red Sox again.

10:21 -- Too much testosterone. Take a moment during the pitching change to shove breasts in YG's face. Appreciated.

10:24 -- Another pitching change. No more boobage. We're folding socks.

10:31 -- This fucking Chevy Malibu commerical. Oh my God! It was funny the first time and gotten more unfunny each of the other 450,000th times.

10:37 -- The CEO of Taco Bell needs some blotting paper. But I like him. Because he makes really good fake meat. I have no qualms about sharing my love of the chaluppa. I read Fast Food Nation. I understand how these things work. And I don't care.

10:38 -- Helton. Facebush: The Brunette version.

10:42 -- And Schilling's out.

10:47 -- YG highjacks computer. Yankees still suck.

10:48 -- Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

10:53 -- Very funny, YG. Missed the end of the inning because I was crawling around in the mud room attempting to lure Cat #2 out of her hiding spot. She's getting weirder and weirder and I can't tell if she's sick or just old and weird.

10:55 -- America agrees with me. 47% say sit Ortiz.

11:00 -- Bored. YG snoring. I'm looking at wedding photographers for my "special day." Seriously -- am I supposed to spend $4k on this stuff? No way.

11:05 -- "Youkilis has had trouble with sweat pouring down the top of his batting helmet all season." Ew.
"Get down Jacoby." And get back, Loretta.

11:12 -- How brilliant is Jordan's furniture? I love marketing shit that works.

11:15 -- If I gave a shit about the NFL or college football, it would be a good time to be a fan in New England, according to Joe Buck.

11:19 -- And now to honor America! Boyz II Men. When we were in college, NN's roommate Kopal and our other friend Megan drove to Buffalo to see these guys in concert. That was retarded -- in 1997. I have no idea what it means to like Boyz II Men now.
YG: Do these guys suck?
Me: I think so.

11:27 -- Jonathan Papelbon's instructional dance video was kinda funny. For 11:30 at night.

11:44 -- "Twinkletoes Papelpon" in in the 8th.

11:51 -- Don't get the Sweet Caroline thing. Probably never will. But appreciate the Jewish Elvis.

11:56 -- I missed a McCarverism, but apparently Pedroia still has a long stroke.

11:58 -- Papelbon has a towel on his "moneymaker." Hee.

11:59 -- To the ninth. Snore.

12:07 -- Two outs. Bed! Bed! Bed!

12:08 -- 0-2. John Henry is what I imagined all people from Massachusetts looked like. And that is not a compliment. Running of the bases in loafers? DOUCHE.

12:09 -- AND WE'RE DONE.