Friday, December 22, 2006

WARNING: Sappy Melodrama Attack

I have a lot of stuff to write about, but I'm finishing up some work stuff and my brain is fixating on one point. I get a lot of questions about who YG is, where we met, how long I've known him, what he's like, etc. I answer them, but I really don't feel the need to turn my blog into some gushy "look at how awesome my boyfriend is" diary. Ack, I have the feeling I've used that same sentence somewhere in a post before. Anyway, moving on...

I'm going home to NJ on Sat to spend the holidays with my family. YG and the MG will be joining us from Tuesday through Thursday for some NYC fun time, so I guess I never gave a lot of headspace to Christmas morning and what it would be like. I'll be home doing the same thing I've done for the past 30 years, except for the years I was married. YG will be alone. He picks up the MG at 2 p.m., but he will be alone on Christmas morning and that just makes me heart-breakingly sad because he's such a good father and I would like nothing more than for him to spend Christmas morning with his little girl. But he can't -- it's not his year. So I wanted to do something nice for him on Christmas morning to take the edge off a bit. After a fruitless morning on 1800Flowers, FTD, Edible Arrangements and a variety of other craptastic sites, I decided I don't have to GIVE anything. I just want to write about him and tell all my friends how great he is because that's not something I usually do, and it feels all "ew, gross, boys!"...a little bit anyway.

Note: If you happen to BE YG and are reading this, you need to stop until Christmas morning. Plus, I'm stealing gratiutously from my Christmas card and it would lame if you read this before that

The Abridged Version:

I met YG at one of my previous jobs. I worked with lots and lots of men, and I was married, but there was something about him that cut through the clutter. Something that told me that I should be friends with him because he seemed like a genuine person, in a world filled with kind of crappy people or at best, people that don't quite know themselves. We became work friends, and then became outside-of-work friends. When our respective marriages started to fall apart, he was one person that could relate to what I was going through and didn't judge me when I was leaning in one direction on marriage/divorce and then would seemingly do a 180 the next day. He just got it.

For a while, we lost touch and didn't speak to each other, as you do with work friends after you move on to another company. Sometimes you realize you don't have much in common with those work friends after you move on. When we started talking again, I realized that he would always be a good friend, and not just a work person that I sometimes exchange emails with. And now we live in the same State.

We both were seperated. We both started sniffing around each other. We started dating. I fell HARD.

At the beginning, I was really prolific. I felt like I had words and feelings just tumbling out of me that I had to melodramatically proclaim to the world and to him. I wrote lots of long letters, I did a lot of journaling, I talked to a lot of people. I had been unhappy for so long that I felt that the world needed to hear my testimony. Yeah. * eye roll*

And things are different now. I'm not floating around like a poet anymore, but I do have this FEELING of things in my life being right and happy and GOOD. As a writer, how do you say that? How do you make that real? I am happy. YG makes me happy. It isn't pretty, it isn't poetic -- it's just true.

In the past year, I've gone through a tumultous and heart-wrenching divorce, a family death, a major slump and depression last spring, the soul-sucking numbness of my last job, the ups and downs of adjusting to being part of the MG's life, and a major location change from New Jersey to Massachusetts.

And he's always been there. And he's always been cool. He's supported me, he's had my back and most importantly, he's called me on my bullshit when I act like the little fucker we all know I can be. I know I can count on him, I trust him, and I feel safe with him, and I hope he understands how much of a big freakin' deal that is.

To YG (a repeat, but I liked it, and I hope you're reading this on Christmas morning): I think I knew I loved you early in our relationship, but I wasn't really sure what that meant. It was fun and exciting and a welcome breath of fresh air after all we had been through with our previous spouses, but it doesn't compare to now. The more I get to know you, the more shit we have to deal with together, the more I change and the more I see you grow, the more I realize how lucky and blessed I am. Thank you for being you. I hate that you have to be alone this morning, but I want you to know that I'm thinking about you, the MG is thinking about you, your family and friends are thinking about you, even some strangers to you are thinking about you -- and that we all think you're just wonderful. Now go read the comments section to see what I mean.

To everyone else: Don't hold this sappiness against me. I'll go back to scaring children and small animals after the holidays are over.