Thank you for your email.
As there is a 98% chance your question or request is stupid or fucking annoying, please do not expect a reply.
It is also quite likely that I won’t answer your phone call or return your messages.
You can especially fuck yourself raw if your note is:
- Just a “thanks” or “heads up”
- If you are reminding me to buy tickets to your event. Your event SUCKS, and I hate you.
- Has ANYTHING to do with [insert name of trade show that drives us batshit every year].
Don’t bother calling another member of the snot-nosed, uncooperative PR team.
We all hate you.
All media inquiries may go to [insert PR agency name].
I hate you.
THAT is a thing of beauty.