Weekend Observations

Still sick, but slightly less miserable. After keeping YG up for the past few nights -- and with the cough medicine with codeine in it not even working -- I finally sucked it up (or YG forced me) and went to my doctor's "urgent care" office over the weekend. I have a sinus infection, and am now on my second round of antibiotics in three weeks. Fantastic. Who doesn't love a yeast infection?

Despite all this, we managed to have a pretty decent weekend.

* The MG asked YG, "where do babies come from?" so he bought her a book. She said, "why can't you just tell me?" Him: "We need a book." So now we have It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families. This pretty much covers everything from your regular old baby making to spank banks and bean flicking to homos to abortions to IVF to AIDS. With cartoons.

Some times I feel like it was a great gift to grow up nice and Catholic and repressed because I didn't have to sit and read picture books with my parents about nut sacks. I am trying *very* hard to be straight faced and open, but it's really hard not to either burst out laughing or run and hide and die inside when you get questions like:
* Have you ever seen an erection? What is it like? Does it really stick out like that? [this in response to the cartoon boner]
* Why does it say that the stuff is milky? Can you drink it?

SERIOUSLY! My god.

That being said, it's sort of interesting to read through it with her and YG and see her just take everything in. Kids are such a product of their environment -- you only turn into an ignorant bigoted douchebag if you're taught to be one.

And speaking of, I love this dude in the Amazon comments. "Overall, a good informative book, however there is one page that describes homosexual attraction as something natural, just like heterosexuality. This is a dangerous lie that is too prevalent in our culture. It is offensive to God because it perverts his beautiful design and ruins his wonderful gift to each of us. It is not only wrong, but totally inappropriate for any age. The rest of the book is great. Too bad I couldn't tear out that one bad page without eliminating the other side, which was worthwhile. Because of this, I would NOT recommend this book!"
The gays! They are taking over! They are so PREVALENT! They are ruining my "beautiful gift." But the rest of the book? About nut sacks and tits? Totally A-OK.


* We had another fantastic dinner at The Blue Room. Yummy pork and shrimp and champagne. AND sleeping in the next day. Nice.

* We bought new pants for the MG and I started some of my Christmas shopping. I remembered how much I hate the mall and humanity at "holiday" time, when some lady on line behind us in Macy's picked a fight, saying that I cut her kid in line. When I said that I had been standing there for 15 minutes, she got all hands up and actually used "relax." We had a brief exchange, but I let it go because I had the MG and I'm still trying to convince YG that I am fit to be around children. Lady, however, kept doing that passive-agressive whisper thing, talking to her kid about how "SOME PEOPLE" are so rude and obnoxious and blah, blah, blah. I whispered to YG, while looking right at her, "I'm ready to fucking punch this bitch." Horray -- the Son of God is born. Peace on Earth. Goodwill!

* Cheesecake Factory. I know that liking my mall cheesecake means I'm only a few years away from wearing elastic-waist pants and a wolf sweatshirt, and a scrunchy in my hairsprayed hair. However, that shit tastes divine.

* Six months after moving in, we finally hung our curtains.

* I saw a cab today with a Nixon/Agnew bumper sticker on it.

* Pho Lunch.

* More for the "I hate Humanity" file. I had a wax appointment in Boston today, so I left YG and the MG in Harvard and took the T in. The red line was down between Kendall and Park, so I ended up having to take one of the shuttle buses. I had bumped off the first two because of overcrowding, but squeezed onto the third one by pretty much hanging off the strap by my pinky. I had my hat, bag, book and other stuff in my left hand, about 30 people pressed up against me, AND ended up with one of my hacking-up-a-lung coughing jags, trying my absolute best to cough into my jacket and not infest the whole bus. This bitchy little hozzle, with her straight-ironed hair and stupid Ugg boots, gave me the stink eye and snotted, "Ughhh. How about you try covering your mouth?"

This, dear readers, is when I have a choice to apologize and let go of the strap (the only fucking thing holding me up) and be a nice human being who just went to church and had a nice communion. OR I could be the bitch who was sick, and sick and tired of being jostled, and sick and tired of being sick, and sick and tired of these rich, shitty, bratty college kids. So I chose to look right back at her, and mimic her cadence and delivery, and snotted back, "How about I beat your ass?" This was not what she was expecting, and like all those snotty rich bitches, she knew that she most definitely would get her ass beat in a fight. So she and her look-alike hozzley friends started to slowly back away and stared at the floor.

Very mature. 31 years old. Taking names, and kicking ass.

The trip back took almost an hour and a half (usually about 30 minutes), was just as crowded, and I had a small human spill hot chocolate on me. Good times.

* Short week this week. I haven't been back to work since Thursday, and am hoping, kind of, that I still have a job.