Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

The whole daily posting thing did not work out, as expected, but I did take a few days to try and get better. I'm still stuffy and gross, so I bagged the 5K this morning and am trying to practice being grateful rather than feeling guilty.

The drive down went fine. Instead of waiting until Wednesday, I worked from home on Tuesday, had some dinner with YG and the MG at Mr.Crepe, and then took off around 7. I hit virtually no traffic and the entertainment of The Nanny Diaries for the duration of the ride. Cheesy schlock, but interesting enough when you're tired, and sick, and have a four-hour drive ahead of you.

Yesterday, I worked from here and caught up on all those nagging work things that I usually let go until someone needs them. I listened to my mother read the directions for the coffee pot OUT LOUD for an hour. It was a slow day, so I logged off around 4 and gave myself two hours to wander the aisles of Century 21, getting in my last shopping trip before the hell that is "holiday shopping season."

But a strange thing happened. I kept trying on shoes and bringing more and more things to the dressing room, and I liked what I saw, but not enough to buy anything. This is like a shock to my system. I LOVE shopping. I LOVE buying. I LOVE consuming, like the good American capitalist I am. Or at least I did. But I don't NEED anything. I have plenty of shoes, pretty sweaters, dresses (although, I am slightly regretting not nabbing the Diane von Furstenburg wrap dress with the yellow flowers), pants -- I don't need anything. Really. And if I don't need it, why buy it? I have everything I want.

And that leads me to Thanksgiving.

It's so easy to focus on the negative. I am, after all, an eternal pessimist, or to be more realistic, I am always pessimistic about ME -- thinking I should do more, be more, make more, say more, share more, give more, more, more, more, more. I still haven't mastered or even begun to truly accept, "progress, not perfection." There are plenty of things I want to "fix" -- my career, my health, my solitariness. But not today.

Today, I am going to be thankful for:
* Me. I am not that bad, all the time.
* My health. I've made it this far without any major issues. I am not as fat or unhealthy as my shitty committe thinks I am.
* My family. Both of them. YG and the MG up in Cambridge. The orignal cast here in NJ.
* My friends. The in-the-flesh ones and the email buddies and what my mom refers to as my "friends from the Internet."
* My cats.
* The ability to understand that I've "unstuck" myself before, and I can do it again.
* Our new church.
* Good books and good music and good food.

Today, I'm going to go for a walk, eat approximately 3 pounds of mashed potatoes with gravy, and read. A perfect day.

Happy Thanksgiving all!

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