"I started off with a whole lot of privilege that meant removing the “you must marry and reproduce young” obstacle actually had an enormous effect. That wouldn’t have been true if I hadn’t had the money to go to college; if I hadn’t had white skin and a WASPy name invisibly opening doors for me all along; if I hadn’t had parents who valued education and valued their girl children just as much as boys; if I’d grown up in a community where women still did start having children very young, or where there was no expectation that the average kid there would go on to higher education and a white collar job; if I’d been gay and the marriage/babies issue had been a lot more complicated than “I’m busy with other stuff.” My example here is a grade-A prime illustration of how feminism has centered and benefited white, middle-class, straight women, while leaving other women behind — and thus a prime illustration of how feminism needs to change, and how much fucking work is left to be done.
But if today is about celebrating the positives, it’s worth acknowledging that it’s also a prime illustration of how much cultural values can change in a single generation, and how much one strain of change can make a difference for some women. I grew up with a shitload more freedom and independence than my mom did. And that is indeed worth a cheer from me today, before it’s back to all the battles left to be fought. "
Today, I'm grateful that I grew up in a relatively feminist household, even if my parents would drop dead before calling it that. Reasons I feel this way:
* I always knew I was going to college. Both of my parents worked their asses off to get advanced degrees and started talking about college and career plans with us when we were very young. Education was a TOP priority.
* My siblings and I didn't have gender expectations put upon us, meaning that my parents had the same expectations of my sister and I then they had of my brother. We were all going to go to school, study hard and be successful. It didn't matter who was a boy or a girl.
* It was CRYSTAL CLEAR that marriage, babies and "settling down" came after you were established and had a life and career of your own.
* My mother was always the primary breadwinner, showing us that this could be done. As far as I know, she never felt bad about having a career. Having that model makes it infinitely easier to deal with putting Zygote in day care while I figure out my next move. Nobody in my family cares, and frankly, they wouldn't expect otherwise. That support seems critical right now.
* My parents pretty much shared chores. There was no second shift. Again, proof that it can be done.
* Nobody gave me shit when I decided to get divorced. Sure, they did their own thing with managing gossip, but nobody told me that getting divorced was wrong or that I was making a mistake or that I would always be thought of as flawed.
There are plenty of others, but those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Honestly, I don't normally think about them until I hear stories about people who have grown up differently or are still struggling with parental expectations that they will get married, breed, and what not. I suppose I am pretty lucky.
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