Check this bit:
"Can I speak to the experience of living in a much larger body? No. Am I fat enough to have faced discrimination and hatred, and to be motivated to fight against those things on behalf of all fat people? Hell, yes.
Exhibit A. I’m walking home from Pilates this afternoon, and I stop for a red light. Light turns green, I start walking across the intersection, and some asshole barrels around the corner, clearly not seeing me. I stop walking and he hits his brakes–with a resounding skreeee–at approximately the same time. We exchange dirty looks, and I take another step–just as asshole hits the gas again, intending to blow past me.
Me: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? IT’S A CROSSWALK!
Asshole: WELL THEN WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING WALK, YOU FUCKING WHALE?
Woman sitting at outdoor cafe across the street: WHAT THE–?
No kidding, lady.
Let’s review. This asshole didn’t look where he was going and nearly hit a pedestrian. Therefore, I deserve to be shamed for the size of my body.
Of course. That’s how it works.
Assholes like that do not look at me and think, “Hmm, she looks only slightly bigger than the average woman.” They do not yell, “YOU FUCKING MILD TO MODERATE CHUB!” They think, “fat chick.” And they yell, “YOU FUCKING WHALE!”
The whole piece is brilliant and spoke to me, as I get a lot of the "but, you're not fat" comments.
2. I mentioned in the wedding post that I felt really lovely and pretty that day and that people were very complimentary. Imagine how disappointed I was IN MYSELF when I saw some of the pictures and the FIRST thing I thought was "my arm looks so fat"????? Not, "wow, we look so happy" or "wow, that dress looked so great" or not, my old reliable, "hey, fab tits." No, the first thing I thought was, "my arm looks so fat." I did pull myself out of it, but I was disppointed that these are still the first things that fill my mind -- and that 59 people can tell me I look fantastic, but the one person who thinks I look like shit is me. It's all a process, but shit, man, this stuff is LONG.
3. Rather than totally beat myself up, I can say that I am 100% proud that I never dieted during the lead up to the wedding. I ran like a maniac and I went to the gym, but I ENJOY that. So, some parts of the process are working.
4. In other links, one of my favorite bloggers is getting married and she wrote the best fucking post about it. YG read it and said, "hey, that's totally us."
5. This was the first Saturday since December, maybe, that we didn't have anything to do. I ran some errands in the morning and then we went for a long walk around Fresh Pond and enjoyed some chips, guacamole and wine while reading magazines and lounging on the couch. I also caught up on two hours of Grey's Anatomy this morning when YG dropped the MG off at her mom's. It was a great day.
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