Monday, September 11, 2006

San Francisco Is All It's Cracked Up To Be

Just back from my big mystery trip. As I suspected, we did get to San Francisco and it was just as beautiful as everyone says it is. We did some touristy stuff, but mainly it was relaxing and hanging around with good food, good wine, good conversations, etc. I have a lot of "notes" I took and more pictures, but right now I'm still so jet lagged and just vacation hung over that I don't want to do it right this second.

Overall, I think it's going to be a good decade. I look back at what I've accomplished both professionally and emotionally so far, and I like what I see. But I know there's still so much work to be done. I know what I want. I know who I want to be, and I can accept the disappointments too. I've said some incredibly stupid things too about what I want, and while I wish I could take all of them back and just start over, start new and pretend I never said them or acknowledged them, it's all out there. Maybe this will be the decade of "Looking Like A Fool Is Not Such A Bad Thing." I hate looking like a fool. I hate feeling like I'm always saying the wrong thing or saying too much. Maybe that mantra "it's not my business what other people think of me" will finally start to sink in. But I do care what some people think of me. And I hate taking risks to see them not pay off...risk taking is just so not me -- I prefer planning and order and neatness -- and I guess I have these (ooooh...bad word coming) expectations that when I take a risk, I won't be free falling. OR I won't be so rattled by the free fall. I'm hoping this stuff will change too as I "grow up." So far, my big risk of moving up here and starting over has paid off ENORMOUSLY. I hope to see more of that kind of reward in my future.

Anyway, thank you, YG, for the best birthday present ever! It was an absolute blast and I can't wait to get all the pictures back. :-)


Kacey said...

What an awesome birthday trip! And yay for big risks paying off. You totally deserve it.

Beck said...

What a wonderful gift! So glad you had a great birthday.

Anonymous said...

Yay!!! Glad the trip was awesome. I can't wait to see photos. Your cats were still alive, right? They were still alive on Saturday, although they were sad that I was not you.